The Results are In! And Boy was it Close…

See what I did there? Hilarious.

The polls are closed and the results are in. “Girl” won the popular vote by a very slim margin. Like ONE vote. But this time, the Electoral College (or “God”) was the deciding factor:

It’s a boy!

That’s what the piece of paper said, at least. Hopefully they’ve perfected blood testing by now!

But the more I think about it, this kid never had a chance. It was going to be a boy all along, thanks to yours truly.

On July 10, 2015, I ordered the following product from one of my favorite eCommerce sites in the world (PearlJam.com):

PJ onesie

For the uninitiated, this is called a “onesie.” It’s for a baby. A baby that we did not have and had not planned for at the time I made the purchase. But I saw it and had to have it because it has the Pearl Jam “Stick Man” design on it. Our future child could one day wear a matching design of daddy’s single best decision of his entire life: getting that stick man tattoo on his leg!

I know you’re wondering how I directly influenced the gender of our child. I mean, that is obviously a unisex onesie because it’s just in the “kids” section. There are no gender-specific sizes, just “newborn” or “6 months.” But if I’m being honest with myself (and you), it’s not exactly feminine. It’s black and has a stick figure on it that could easily be confused with the Blair Witch Project DVD cover.

If that onesie were on a baby girl, she would need some Dr. Marten’s combat boots to complete the ensemble. And that would lead to black lipstick or something. She wouldn’t be old enough to make those types of decisions for herself, and I don’t see Mommy allowing me to dress a baby girl like that.

I bought that onesie that is geared toward boys. And I bought it in July of 2015. And our baby is due in July of 2016. Coincidence? I think not!

And as if that wasn’t enough, I bought this onesie back in November:

File Jan 22, 1 13 56 PM

I won’t go into the details on that one. But just know that it is black and has a logo from another rock band. There are also a couple of other more gender-neutral options that I’m looking into, like this and this .

I’m not saying that I have the power to influence chromosomes or anything. I’ll just let the evidence speak for itself.

In all seriousness, Katie and I are incredibly excited to welcome Baby (Boy) Richardson into the world in six short months! He’s gonna be a punk rocker through and through! Well, except for the fact that my music is now 25 years old. I guess it’s the new “classic rock.” Ouch.

Next steps: decide on a name and decorate the nursery! The name will be a challenge, but the nursery is easy. I already have tons of amazing artwork already framed and ready to go on the walls! Check it out:

Philly         Atlanta

Just kidding. Those aren’t allowed to leave my tiny little room in the basement, far away from the public’s eye.

Thanks for reading along, and we can’t wait for everything coming over the next few months! We’ll run another poll in the coming weeks where everyone can vote to decide on the name for Baby Richardson.

How fun would that be?!

Like this article? Subscribe to my blog via email:

Leave a Comment