I’ve Been Defeated

I’ve been wrong once or twice in my life. Maybe three times. But something unexplainable has happened over the last four years.

Since having kids, I’ve been wrong a LOT. I’m starting to think I’m not even in control of my own life. I swear I’ll never do something, then the next thing I know I’m doing exactly that. It’s like I’m living in some sort of simulation or video game where someone else calls the shots.

Here’s the proof. I said (and believed) all of these things at some point:

  • I refuse to speak in baby talk, gibberish, or anything other than proper English.
  • I can’t believe these parents just shove their iPhones in front of their kids the second they sit down in a restaurant. How lazy.
  • I’m never moving to the suburbs. I can’t live in a strip shopping center wasteland where dreams go to die.
  • My kids will not subsist on hot dogs and processed snacks. Not on my watch.
  • I can’t believe they just let that little brat throw a tantrum in public. I would never put up with that shit.
  • Why would anyone ever take a baby on an airplane? If they can’t get that thing to shut up, they should leave it at home. That’s just disrespectful to the rest of us.
  • Kids don’t need a million shitty little toys. They can’t play with them all, anyway. What a waste of money.
  • I can’t believe these families live in such squalor. I would never tolerate a messy house.
  • There will be no KIDZ BOP when I’m behind the wheel. When daddy’s driving, he controls the radio. And daddy is PUNK ROCK.
  • I’m too cool to dance in the kitchen to “C’Mon Ride That Train.” And to let my kids line up all the chairs like a train. And play the conductor in the front of the chair train while the kids ride in back. I’m sure they’re talking about something dirty, anyway.
  • I’ll never go to bed before 9:00pm. It’s still daylight, for God’s sake.
  • Camping is stupid. Why would anyone choose to sleep outside when God invented air conditioning and running water?
  • There will be no negotiation, coercion, or bribery in my household. My kids will do what they’re told. Dad’s in charge, and he runs a tight ship.

Suffice to say I’ve eaten a lot of crow over the last four years. And if there’s one thing I hate more than Dave Matthews Band, it’s being wrong.

But I’ve come to the point where I concede. I’ve been defeated.

I am absolutely NOT in control; my kids are. They somehow bend me to their will and force me to do everything in my power to make them happy. They’ve weakened my defense and made me soft.

I confess to doing every one of those things I swore I’d never do. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I will NOT cave in and buy a minivan, though. I’m still punk rock.

10 Responses

  1. I still swore that I will never do those things. But, I do not have any kids. And I will not be surprised if I end up in your shoes after when I have kids 🙂 great blog as always!

  2. I said A LOT of those same things and I’m now ahead of you slightly with twins turning 4 in October and a daughter turning 1 in August… all whilst listening to paw patrol on loop while rolling in my minivan.

  3. Yep, caved on all of them myself. Just means you value your sanity and you compromise your values for the ones you love the most! We sure do miss you guys!

  4. I once heard an expectant mother say she would never tell her child, “no”, because that taught them too much negativity. 😆😆😆

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